Understanding
by Millie333
Summary: Where I try to write how other people feel...Tell me how it turned out and if I should change anything...
1. Why do they hate me so much?

-**GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU ***** *********!** -The lady who I tried to help suddenly yells at me. -**I DON'T NEED HELP FROM ONE OF YOUR ******* KIND!**

W-what...?

Did i do something wrong...?

-Good day, costumer. -A coworker tells the lady. -Is there something not to your liking?

-**THIS DISCUSTING ******** JUST TOUCHED ME!** -The lady yells at the coworker, while she points at me with a mad expression on her face. -**WHAT IS THIS ****** ****** EVEN DOING HERE?! WHY DIDN'T YOU REMOVE IT **

Why is she so mad...?

...

Why does she hate me so much...?

-Don't you dare talk about my friend like that! -My friend, who was nearby, yells at her on my behalf. -He is a good person and a great coworker!

I am glad to have a friend who believes in me so much...

-**WHY DID YOU ALLOW THIS ***** TO WORK HERE?!** -The man by the lady's side yells at my friend. -**WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT THIS ******* DOWN?! AND WHY THE *********** ******** ARE YOU DEFENDING THIS *********** THING?!**

I don't understand...

...

Why do they say such mean things...?

Why do they hate me so much...?

...

Why?

...

Why...?

...

W-why...?

...

I tried to be a good boy...

...

Just like mom told me to...

* * *

It happened years ago,

I couldn't do what my friends could,

And I just wanted to play and have fun...

...

Mom told me that I could be ill,

So we went to a doctor...

...

He told mom what was wrong with me,

I never saw mom cry so much...

...

What is a "down syndrome"...?

Why is mom looking so sad...?

...

We went home...

...

Mom told dad...

...

They started to argue...

...

Why are they fighting...?

Why are they yelling so much...?

…

I-I don't understand...

...

...

Dad left afterwards,

He never returned...

...

...

Is this all my fault...?

...

Did dad leave because of me...?

* * *

Some time passed...

...

Some kids were very meant to me,

Some kids even hit me...

...

I didn't understand why they were acting this way,

I just wanted to be friends with them...

...

It got worse with time...

...

The principal got involved...

...

He told mom about what happened,

I wasn't allowed to go to school afterwards...

...

I was sent to a "special" school,

There I meet people like me,

They understood me...

...

I felt happier there,

I made friends after so much time...

...

Thought,

Some teachers and parents were looking at me funny...

...

It was just my imagination, right...?

* * *

Some more time later...

...

Mom told me to find a job,

Mom told me that I was old enough,

Mom told me that it was time for me to work...

...

I didn't want to go there,

What if I got bullied again...?

...

But I couldn't disappoint mom,

So I did what I was told...

…

Mom brought me to a bookstore,

There were so many books there!

...

Mom took me to a back room,

There was a man sitting by the desk...

...

Mom told me that he was a friend...

...

The only friend she had left...

...

Mom told him about me,

He looked at me sadly...

...

Did I do something wrong...?

* * *

It's not so bad working here,

I am one of the librarians of the store,

I help people find the books the want to purchase...

...

I also made some friends there,

Some of them are "ill" just like me...

...

*Though I am not sure how we are "ill"...

...

Sometimes people look at me funny,

And it feels as if they are trying to ignore me...

...

I always wondered why...

* * *

Now I know why...

...

Now I know why mom cried,

Now I know why dad suddenly left us,

Now I know why my classmates bullied me,

Now I know why I got pitying and disguised looks...

...

-*********** YOU ALL! YOU ****************! **-I can hear the lady yell, as security guards remove her and her friend(?) from the bookstore. **-YOU ****** SHOULD BURN IN HELL FOR DEFENDING THAT ********* *************! YOU ********** ********** HEATHENS!**

This is why...

...

It's because everyone hates me!

They hate me so much!

...

Even thought I didn't do anything bad to them...!

Even thought I did what I was told...!

Even thought I was a good boy...!

...

I just don't understand it...

...

Why do they hate me so much?


	2. Am I really nothing?

I am a slave,

I always have been,

From the day I was born...

...

I was born in a small shed,

Where I slept on a small bed,

And sometimes on the stone floor...

...

I was feed the bare minimum,

Getting accustomed to the feeling of hunger...

...

I was clothed in scraps,

The cloth barely cowering my body...

…

*Sometimes I wonder how am I still alive,

And why I was born to begin with...

...

One day my parents said that important people are going to visit us,

That I should make myself acceptable and be at my best behavior,

And that we would all be punished in case I don't...

...

Then I saw the important people my parents told me about...

...

They were my masters,

I was told to follow their every order,

No matter how hard it is or how long it would take...

...

*Which I try to do to the most of my abilities...

...

But still...

...

Sometimes I fail to follow their commands,

Due to sleep deprivation, hunger or illness...

...

*And sometimes the fusion of all three...

...

My masters hate when it happens,

So they severely punish me...

...

Every punishment varies by it's severity,

And the amount of physical and mental scars...

...

And the worst of them all...

...

Is when they tie me to a pole and whip me,

Each hit sending agonizing pain thought my back...

...

I yell out in pain but they continue...

...

Until my whole back is bloody,

Until my voice is hoarse...

...

And they tell me that it's my fault for being useless,

They tell me that I should be grateful to be their slave...

...

They tell me that I am not human,

They tell me that I am less than a bug,

They tell me than I am even less than dirt...

...

Just like what happened a few days ago...

...

Was it two days?

Three days?

A week?

...

It's so hard to tell...

...

I feel lightheaded,

I lost so much blood...

...

I feel so hot,

My temperature only raised,

And the hot sun above my head doesn't help...

...

I feel so thirsty,

Didn't have water in days...

...

I feel so hungry,

When was the last time I ate?

...

Does anyone even remember that I am here?

...

Will my masters untie me in time?

Or am I finally going to die?

...

How much time do I have left anyway?

...

Am I really nothing...?


	3. What should I do now?

-S-stop it...P-please...D-don't...!-I barely manage to say between sobs, my pleas being completely ignored. -S-stop it...P-please...I-I can't...T-take it anymore...!

It hurts...

...

It hurts so much...!

-**SHUT UP, YOU ******** *******! **-The man madly yells at me, as he thrusts me harder. -**YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT I AM DESPERATE ENOUGH TO LIE MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU *********** ********** **-He yells some more while manhandling me. -**NO ONE WOULD WANT YOU OTHERWISE!**

I can't stop crying...

...

Having been held in place,

Unable to run away...

…  
While he continues to defile my body,

Hurting me and drawing blood...

...

It hurts so much,

When will this pain end...?

...

Would anyone care to help me,

Save me from this hell...?

* * *

I don't know how much time passed...

...

I don't how long I lay here,

I don't remember when he left...

...

*I probably feel unconscious due to the pain...

...

I can barely feel my lower half,

As I lay broken in my own blood...

...

Why did this have to happen...?

Why did he do this to me...?

...

All I did was walk home from school,

Only to be attacked and raped by a mad man...

* * *

I can't forget it no matter how hard I try,

I keep having nightmares every time I go to sleep,

Where I see the same man playing with my body as if I'm just a toy...

...

My parents try to help me,

They send me to consultation,

But it doesn't make me feel safe...

...

The worst happens when I go to school,

Where everyone bullies me and calls me names...

...

Even those I once called friends,

How fast they have turned on me...

...

*"Friends",

The word sounds alien to me now...

...

It's as if they think that I actually wanted to be raped...

* * *

Things went from bad to worse,

I found out that I am pregnant...

...

The baby is the child of the man who raped me,

Another reminder of when my life became hell...

...

I don't know what to do...

...

Should I keep the baby,

And be orchestrated for being a teen mom?

...

Should I go through an abortion,

And be seen as a murderer...?

...

Or would it be easier to just commit suicide,

And run away from the horrible future that awaits me...?

...

...

What should I do now...?


	4. The only person who ever understood me

I am way too thin,

I have anorexia...

...

I am always told that I "should eat more",

That I "would get better if I do so",

And that it's "all in my head"...

...

I am so sick of hearing that...!

...

Don't they understand that I already tried that more times than I can count?!

Don't they understand that no matter how much I eat it won't stay inside?!

* * *

Some time has passed,

My family sent me to group counseling,

They told me that with the right diet I would be cured...

...

*Why can't they understand that it won't help?!

They should be professionals,

So why are they so dumb?!

…

There I meet a woman who is overweight,

She was also sent to this useless meeting...

...

We have different weight issues,

But we still understand each other...

...

And how it won't help us to eat less/more,

No matter how hard we try to...

…

*And how no one else seems to care at all...

…

We became best friends,

We did everything together...

...

We shared each other's secrets,

Even those that we didn't tell our families...

...

..

I was happy to have finally found someone who understand me,

I believed that this time will go on forever...

...

...

I can't believe how naive I was...

* * *

My friend is dead...

...

It turned out that she had lung cancer,

She had all the symptoms for it,

But no one believed her...

...

She went to the doctors for help,

But they associated it to her eating too much,

That she wouldn't have those problems if she wasn't "such a pig"...

...

They insulted her right to her face,

Just because she was slightly bigger than normal...

…

And now she's dead,

Because no one cared to examine her...

...

It makes me wonder,

Would I have been helped,

Were I in a similar situation...?

...

...

Probably not...

...

I would just be told that it's because I don't eat enough,

That if I eat more I would feel better...

...

Then I would die,

And hopefully meet her again...

...

The only person who ever understood me...


	5. For what reason did we sacrifice so much

I am a soldier,

A veteran...

...

I lost my legs in a war...

...

I should be glad to still have my life,

Unlike many of my fellow comrades...

...

But I have to shamelessly admit that I don't...

...

I envy them for being remembered as heroes,

I envy them for not having to have nightmares at night,

I envy them for not occasionally seeing their hands smeared in blood...

...

And I envy them for not being able to see what is happening now,

How the current generation acts towards us and the sacrifices we made...

...

Wherever I go outside,

I can see people staring,

Intensively judging me over...

...

Some look at me in pity,

While a small part look at me with respect,

As the others see me as a disguising and repulsive amputee...

...

I hear some veterans have it even worse,

Other people don't want them entering public areas...

...

It feels degrading and disheartening...

...

We fought in a war,

We shed blood,

We lost our limbs,

Many of us died..

...

And for what...?

...

For those ungrateful people,

That are ridiculing our sacrifices?

...

For those ungrateful people,

Who mock us for our lost limbs?

...

For those ungrateful people,

Who only see us as some disgusting amputees?

...

For what reason did we sacrifice so much?


	6. My life is a lie

My parents are rich,

And I have everything I could ever want...

...

My parents love me,

My lover adores me,

My friends follow me,

My family's associates revere me,

And other people look up to me in respect...

...

My life sounds like paradise on earth...

...

...

Except that all of it is fake...

...

My so called "parents",

Don't really care about me,

They just want to have a good image...

...

My so called "lover",

Is already planning to dump me,

Having gotten enough attention and fame...

...

My so called "friends",

Are just using my society standing,

To get to my family's prestige and wealth...

...

My parents' associates barely tolerate me,

They just pretend to care for me,

So they can stay in my family's good graces...

...

While everyone else is jealous of my life,

As I am being stalked day and night by the paparazzi,

Unable to do or say anything without the whole world knowing about it...

...

I always have to keep up appearances,

I always have to pretend to be ignorant,

Just like those other annoying rich kids...

...

One small mishap and they will know,

One small slip and my life could dramatically change...

...

My life is not a paradise...

...

My life is a lie...


	7. Would it have been better

I have a happy family,

I have a good wife,

I have cute kids...

...

I am really happy to have them in my life,

They make my every day a lot better,

They make my every day worth living...

...

I won't exchange them for anything...

...

But,

This happiness is fleeting,

I don't know for how long it will last...

...

Because our family is poor,

We barely have any money to buy food,

And even less for other necessities like clothing...

...

How much longer can we last,

Until all of our savings would be gone,

And we would have no choice but to live on the streets...?

...

...

I don't want my children to live that way,

So I work as hard and as long as I can,

But it's still not enough...

...

My wife told me that she was planning to start working too,

But then who will we leave our children with...?

...

We don't have any relatives after all...

...

My older son and daughter also want to go start working,

But I don't want them to damage their future like that,

I want them to continue studying at school,

So they could graduate and get good jobs...

...

I am also afraid that the government may take our young children,

I will never forgive myself if that were to happen...

...

But what else can we possibly do...?

...

Is there much else that we can do...?

...

Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder,

Would it have been better if I was wealthy?


End file.
